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The Hunchcrab of Notre Cave
The Clawless Crab of Notre Cave A parody by Gariwalt Disney PixieLil Cast Quasimodo = Klutzymodo Frollo= Herbert Frollbear Phoebus = Captain Charlibus 6 years later Klutzymodo is now an adult and uses a crab translator that Herbert stole from Gariwalt Disney, which allows him to speak English. His only friends are three of Herbert's snow minions, Sly, Tank, and Scrap. He is currently starring out the window of Herbert's fortress, watching the penguins celebrating April Fools Day. Puffle: Squeak? Klutzy: You should leave before Herbert turns you into a mindless minion. Puffle: Squeak! Klutzy: Go, no one deserves to be locked up here forever. *The Puffle hops away* Klutzy: *sigh* Scrap: Hey buddy, waz wrong? Klutzy: Nothing... *walks away* Tank: Grrugh, you no want watch April Foolz Parteh? Klutzy: Nope... Scrap: Hey, d'ya think he's sick or somethin'? Sly: If 6 years of having to put up with you idiots haven't made him sick, nothing will! Scrap: Ooohh, so this jar labeled "Deadly Super Virus, DO NOT OPEN" won't hurt him? *The audience facepalms* Tank: Wait, we haz audience? *Sly sits beside Klutzy, who is playing with his CP figurines* Sly: Soo, what's the matter? I promise I won't tell anyone. Klutzy: *sigh* I wish, just once I could actually see the party up close. Tank: Grugh, Y U NO GO? Klutzy: Master Frollobear would never let me... Scrap: Hey, maybe you should sneak out in disguise! Klutzy: I dunno, Herbert would be angry if he found out. Sly: Better to beg forgiveness then to ask permission! Klutzy: You're right! I'm going to march right out that door and- Herbert: And what? Klutzy: Oh, master.. I was just..umm...making a sandwich... Herbert: -_- And who were you talking to? Klutzy: My friends. Herbert: How many times must I tell you? Your friends are made of snow, and everyone knows snow isn't alive. Scrap: Um actually- Herbert: SILENCE! Klutzymodo, shall we work on your alphabet? Klutzy: Yes master. Herbert: A Klutzy: April Fool's Herbert: What? Klutzy: I mean, Abominable... Herbert: You're thinking of going to the party, aren't you? Klutzy: You go every year! Herbert: I am the future leader of Club Penguin, I have to attend, this does not mean I enjoy it. Klutzy: But- Herbert: NO BUTS! *Scrap starts twerking in the background* Herbert: I SAID NO BUTTS!! *Herbert looks at the penguins below* Herbert: This island is cruel, this island is wicked. It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole world, I am your only friend, I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you Klutzy: But, I don't wear clothes.... Herbert: I who look upon you without fear, how can I protect you, crab, unless you Always stay in here, forever in here Remember what I taught you, Klutzymodo You are deformed Klutzy: I am deformed Herbert: And you are ugly Klutzy: HEY! Herbert: And these are crimes for which the world shows little pity. Klutzy: Ooohh, so I'm a criminal, yet you're allowed to get away with anything? Ironic... Herbert: You do not comprehend Klutzy: Are you really my friend and defender? Herbert: Out there they'll revile you as a monster Klutzy: I am not a monster Herbert: Out there they will hate you, like Scorn and Tusk. Klutzy: I don't want to be a monster Herbert: If you really have faith in me, and if you really trust me, You'll stay in here, be faithful to me Klutzy: I'm faithful Herbert: Grateful to me Klutzy: I'm grateful Herbert: Do as I say, Obey And stay IN HERE!!! Klutzy: You are good to me, master. I'm sorry. Herbert: I suppose I can find it in my kind heart to forgive you. But remember, Klutzymodo, this is your sanctuary. *Herbert stomps off to go and plot world domination* Klutzy: My sanctuary? He says I'm safe behind these windows and these fortified iron doors, staring at the penguins down below me, all my life I watch them as I hide up here alone. Hungry for their pizzas and their coffee, all my life I've memorized their faces, Knowing them as they will never know me All my life I wonder how it feels to have just one day, To be like them, and out there, living in the snow Give me one day out there, all I ask is one To hold forever Out there Where they all live unaware What I'd give What I'd dare Just to live one day out there, Out there among the coffee addicts and the bakers and the frostbites, I look out my window and I- *sigh* Why am I wasting time singing? I'M GOING OUT THERE! Snowmen: Have fun! *Kluzy jumps out of the third story window and lands on a conveniently placed trampoline* Tank: Y THINK HE BE OK? Sly: He'll be fiiine, I'm sure nothing could possibly happen to him! Meanwhile, in the Town Center, Commander Charlibus has just returned from a mission on Blisk and is searching for the PSA's headquarters. Charlie: Man, you leave the island for two weeks and everything's different! Wingman: Why's it so dark? I thought it was morning? Charlie: I dunno buddy, but I'm going to find out. *Charlie wanders into a crowd of penguins* Charlie: Um, excuse me, but could someone direct me to the PSA Headquarters? Random prep: Get lost! Pookie: PICK ME! Pookie #2: NO, PICK ME! Pookie #1: I SAW HIM FIRST! *The pookies start fighting and one of them throws a stuffed Herbert doll at Charlie, which explodes on contact with his hat* Charlie: *takes off hat* Thank Rsnail I had this thing bomb-proofed! Wingman: Something is very wrong here. *Charlie is about to waddle away, when he notices a human girl dancing with a group of penguins in front of the Dance Club* *Charlie tosses a handful of coins into her hat, and Hailey runs over to grab them, only to be stopped by two of Herbert's minions* Tusk: Hey, where'd you get the money from, human girl? Hailey: For your information, I earned it! Snowbot: *beep* Hailey: Excuse me? Tusk: He said, gypsies like you don't earn money, they steal it! Hailey: Do I look like a gypsy to you? Tusk: Yep! Hailey: *looks down at her clothes* Oh, umm... maybe this wasn't the best place to cosplay as Esmeralda.... *runs off* Tusk: AFTER HER! Charlie: *grumbles* Not on my watch. WINGMAN! *Wingman jumps at Tusk and Snowbot, knocking them over into a puddle* Snowbot: *beep* Detecting water damage, all systems shut dooown... Charlie: *scoops up Wingman* Sorry about that, he really doesn't like walruses for some reason. Tusk: YOU LITTLE- That was one of our best robots! *Tusk pulls out a knife and points it at Charlie* Charlie: *Pulls out a flamethrower* Are you suure you wanna do that? Tusk: Commander sir, forgive me for not recognising you! The Ultimate Leader Supreme has been waiting for your arrival. Charlie: Ultimate Leader Supreme? Just what the actual is going on here? *Charlie follows Tusk down the street leading to Herbert's HQ* Herbert Headquarters Herbert: YOU IDIOT, how many times must I tell you? I AM A VEGETARIAN! *Herbert tosses a fish dish pizza into the fire* Pizza delivery guy: I'm sorry Mr. Frollobear! Please forgive me! Herbert: I've run out of forgiveness for people like you. Jetbot, take him to The Pit! Pizza guy: NO, PLEASE, NOT INTO THE PIT!!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!! *gets dragged away by Jetbot* Herbert: I really do hate penguins... Charlie: Uhmm.... Herbert: Ah, Commander Charlibus, back from your "Top Secret Mission" I see. Charlie: YOU'RE THE ULTIMATE LEADER SUPREME?! Herbert: Haha, yes, I am. *grins evily at Charlie* Problem? Charlie: N-no.. not at all... Why have you summoned me here? Herbert: Look outside, do you see them? Charlie: All I see is my fellow penguins. Herbert: Yes, yes, but what I see is a bunch of criminals. Charlie: But, they don't appear to be doing anything wrong. Herbert: And that, Commander, is where you would be wrong. For you see, they are all having fun, and we all know that fun is illegal. Charlie: What the hell is going on here? Herbert: What was that? Charlie: Nothing... Herbert: Today is apparently April Fool's Day, a day you penguins consider to be a big deal. To me, it's nothing more than an excuse for needles enjoyment. And that is why, as the Ultimate Leader Supreme, I am working to ban senseless parties once and for all. Charlie: So, where do I come in? Herbert: I need your help for my plan to succeed. You see, I am trying to work with the PSA, but alas, they all seem to despise me for some reason. This is where you come in. Being a high ranking PSA official yourself, I thought perhaps you could convince them to help my cause. Charlie: And if I refuse? *Herbert kicks open a trap door, revealing what appears to be a bottomless pit.* Voice: IT BURNS!!! Charlie: You've made your point quite clear! What must I do? Herbert: Come, we have a party to attend. Meanwhile, at the Plaza *Klutzy sneaks into the crowd, disguised as a sheep, and watches as a crowd of penguins begin to dance around* Penguins: Come one, come all! leave your coffee and your tools, unleash the puffles and the fools, Come one, come all! close the shops and the schools, It's the day for breaking rules, come and join the party of... Rookie: Fools! Once a year we throw a party here in town, once a year we turn all of CP upside down, every penguin's a king and every king's a clown, *A clown chases Rookie down the street* Rookie: AHHHHHHH, I HATE CLOWNS! Rookie: Once again it's topsy turvy day, it's the day the fool in us gets released, it's the day we mock the bears and shock the sheep! *Rookie tosses Klutzy into the air* Everything is topsy turvy at the party of fools! Topsy turvy! everything is upsy daysy, Topsy turvy! everyone is acting crazy, coffee is cheese and tea is cake, that's the way on topsy turvy day! Klutzy gets thrown into a tent, where Hailey is preparing for her show* Hailey: HEY! Can't I get any privacy around here? Klutzy: Sorry Hailey: Nice costume, by the way! Rookie: Topsy turvy! Beat the drums and blow the trumpets, Topsy turvy! Join the bugs, and fish eating crumpets! Streaming in from The Town to The Forest, Scary clowns are extra scary, on the first of April merry, all because it's topsy turvy day! Come one, come all! Hurry, hurry here's your chance, see the mystery and romance, come one, come all! See the only human in CP, Uh, I really have to pee! I'll be in Puffles' bathroom while she dances, Dance! Hailey steps onto the stage Herbert: I think I must be dreaming, Charlibus, pinch me! Charlie pinches Herbert's arm Herbert: OWWW! YOU IDIOT, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY PINCH ME! Rookie: What are ya waiting for? DANCE! Hailey: Oh alright, but I am NOT going to pole dance. *Hailey twirls around the stage, and purposely kicks off one of her shoes, which hits Herbert in the head* Herbert: OWW! I never knew love hurt so much.. Rookie: Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for, Here it is, you know exactly what's in store, now's the time we laugh until our sides get sore, now's the time we crown the King of Fools! So make a face that's horrible and frightening, Make a face as gruesome as Sasquatch's..uh..face... Sasquatch: HEY! Rookie: For the face that's ugliest will be the King of Fools! Topsy turvy! Ugly folks, forget your shyness Topsy turvy! You could soon be called Your Highness Put your foulest features on display Be the king of topsy turvy day! *Rookie pulls a coffee cup off of Gary's head* Penguins: BOOO! *Gary is thrown off the stage, along with the other contestants* *Rookie trys to pull Klutzy's crab disguise off, only to relize that it's not a disguise* Rookie: Oh look, he really was a crab after all! Herbert: *gasps* Lady: *screams* I HATE CRABS! Everyone: EWWW, GET RID OF IT!! Klutzy: Click? Rookie: Everybody! Once a year we throw a party here in The Town, hail to the king, once a year we turn all CP upside down Oh, what a king! Once a year the crabbiest will wear a crown, girls, give a kiss! Once a year on topsy turvy day, We've never had a king like this! And it's the day we do the things that we deplore, on the other three hundred and sixty-four, once a year we love to drop in, where the fun is never stoppin' for the chance to pop some popping corn, and pick a king who'll put the top, In Topsy Turvy Day! Topsy turvy Mad and crazy, upsy daysy, IT'S APRIL FOOLS DAY!! Klutzy: Click?! Tusk: Y'all think he's crabby now? Watch this! *throws a tomato at Klutzy* Klutzy: HEY! *The crowd cheers* *Everyone starts pelting Klutzy with vegetables* Charlie: Um, Frollobear, aren't you going to do something? Herbert: In a minute, he needs to learn a lesson. *Hailey climbs onto the stage and walks over to Klutzy* Hailey: I'm sorry about this, let me help you. Herbert: GET OFF THE STAGE! *Hailey helps the crab to his feet and throws her scarf over him* Hailey: JUSTICE! Herbert: How dare you! Hailey: You speak of justice, yet you allow this poor creature to be tortured. The only fool here today is YOU! Herbert: I still love you Charlie: Uhmm... Herbert: Ahem, I mean, GET HER! I want her alive! *Hailey throws an axe at Herbert's chair, knocking him over into a pile of puffle manure, in the commotion, she slips into the PSA HQ* Herbert: Grrrr. Charlie: "Nice to meet you. You can call me Charlie. My real name is Captain Charlibus, but if you ever refer to me by that name I will hurt you with a brick."